I know there are Facebook purists who believe you should never have Facebook friends you don't actually know. They say it makes you look like a Facebook slut. Well, I don't have a problem with sluts. And I refuse to be looked down upon for not adhering to artificial purity standards. But I have an excuse for not knowing the Facebook friend with the white van dyke beard I mentioned yesterday. I host a weekly podcast with a modestly sized audience. Many strangers listen to my show and request to be my Facebook friend. I accept, because I'd rather look like a slut than be standoffish and inaccessible to people who enjoy the things I make. Many of these people also happen to be attractive ladies, and I troll their photos for cleavage shots. You would do the same.
I had no Facebook suggestions this morning. I don't know how Facebook determines which suggestions to make and when, but I was surprised they didn't pile up overnight. I think I've proven in the last forty-eight hours that I'm open to suggestions. Seems like a missed opportunity. Someone should suggest to Facebook that they rethink their suggestion algorithm.
I just used the word "algorithm" without knowing whether it was in the proper context. It's not the first time this has happened.
Or maybe they're just slow. This afternoon, I had a full plate of fresh suggestions. Since I couldn't hold to my original goal of following all of them for even a single day, I was comfortable ignoring plenty of the new ones. I feel like a failure, but it's also liberating to know no one is the boss of me. Even me.
Most of these were friend suggestions. I refused to friend Heather, Mellony, or Tina. All of them had a scarlet "A" symbol on their profile pictures. This is the international symbol for atheists, whom I avoid. Many of them are dickish dullards with superiority complexes, and they don't care to discuss much outside of their lack of faith. I should mention that I am also an atheist, but still. I've friended many podcast fans who bear the scarlet "A", and they bombard me with requests to join their discussion groups or sign their online petitions to arrest the pope. It's annoying. And even though I'm mostly comfortable refusing Facebook's suggestions, I still feel a pang of guilt for not sticking to my plan. Better to avoid unwanted suggestions where possible.
I did, however, friend someone named Karrissa. From her picture, she's cute in that gothy way I like. Dark and sexy but not too po faced. Possible cleavage photos there. She hasn't confirmed me yet.
I also friended a woman named Shirlee Phelps-Dodge. We had several friends in common, and I think she may be a member of the Phelps clan who make up most of the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas. These are the ones who picket the funerals of gay people and soldiers with their "God hates fags" signs. She may or may not have cleavage shots, but I'm interested to see what a bigot from Kansas lists as her favorite TV shows. If she's a different kind of Phelps, this whole thing will have been for nothing.
Facebook suggested I friend the same African American child I ignored last night. I still don't know who this kid is. We have no friends in common. Maybe these suggestions are based on mutual interests. Regardless, the kid is holding his hand in front of his face in his profile picture, which makes me feel even creepier. I won't friend him ever, and I wish Facebook would stop asking me to.
Despite my views on atheist activists, I friended Sam Harris, author of "Letter to a Christian Nation" and one of the so-called Four Horsemen of the New Atheism popularized by Christopher Hitchens, Richard Dawkins, and Daniel Dennett. I don't care at all about atheism, but I've read Harris' books. He writes well and makes some good points. He also irked some atheist fundamentalists for suggesting there may be some secular benefit to Buddhist meditation. I don't meditate, as I'd rather be playing video games, but I appreciate Harris' open-mindedness. He had no profile picture, and I think he may be new to Facebook, since I was asked to recommend some friends. I declined. I'll follow many of Facebook's suggestions, but I'm not ready to start suggesting things to others. I don't feel it's my place.
Facebook also suggested I like things that some of my friends have also liked. In Facebook parlance, "like" is a verb. But you knew that already, since you're on Facebook just like everyone else. I refused to like a group called "Yelling 'YOU'RE COOL' when you see someone do something stupid", because that's not something I could ever see myself doing. I do stupid things all the time -- especially when I'm trying to look cool -- and I wouldn't appreciate sarcastic screams hurled at me. Even though I'm an atheist, there's a reason I was voted "most Christ-like" at the Christian summer camp I attended in the fifth grade. I also declined to like a group called "I hate the word 'moist'", since I don't. There are no better alternatives. For instance, I would never describe a slice of cake as "damp".
I liked three new groups: "I can't hear you, so I'll just laugh and hope it wasn't a question", "Austin Online Video", and "Good Records". The first one doesn't describe my behavior when I can't hear someone. I usually just yell "What?" and make a face like the other person is an idiot for not speaking up. But I appreciate the impulse. I don't know what the other two are about, but they sound supportable. I'll listen to a good record from time to time.
The lack of any response from any of my new suggested contacts is starting to wear on me. Many of these people are strangers, but some of them are friends or acquaintances with whom I've simply lost touch. I hope they don't hold this against me. It's probably not a good excuse, but I'm terrible at dropping a line every so often just to say hello. If I'm going to talk to a friend, I like to devote some resources to the conversation, and I only have so many resources to go around. This is probably a character flaw. Recently, I sent a Facebook message to an old friend to invite her to an open mic I was hosting. She told me she moved to London weeks ago, and I'd have known that if I cared to stay in touch. She was right to be angry.
I feel sick.
I had no Facebook suggestions this morning. I don't know how Facebook determines which suggestions to make and when, but I was surprised they didn't pile up overnight. I think I've proven in the last forty-eight hours that I'm open to suggestions. Seems like a missed opportunity. Someone should suggest to Facebook that they rethink their suggestion algorithm.
I just used the word "algorithm" without knowing whether it was in the proper context. It's not the first time this has happened.
Or maybe they're just slow. This afternoon, I had a full plate of fresh suggestions. Since I couldn't hold to my original goal of following all of them for even a single day, I was comfortable ignoring plenty of the new ones. I feel like a failure, but it's also liberating to know no one is the boss of me. Even me.
Most of these were friend suggestions. I refused to friend Heather, Mellony, or Tina. All of them had a scarlet "A" symbol on their profile pictures. This is the international symbol for atheists, whom I avoid. Many of them are dickish dullards with superiority complexes, and they don't care to discuss much outside of their lack of faith. I should mention that I am also an atheist, but still. I've friended many podcast fans who bear the scarlet "A", and they bombard me with requests to join their discussion groups or sign their online petitions to arrest the pope. It's annoying. And even though I'm mostly comfortable refusing Facebook's suggestions, I still feel a pang of guilt for not sticking to my plan. Better to avoid unwanted suggestions where possible.
I did, however, friend someone named Karrissa. From her picture, she's cute in that gothy way I like. Dark and sexy but not too po faced. Possible cleavage photos there. She hasn't confirmed me yet.
I also friended a woman named Shirlee Phelps-Dodge. We had several friends in common, and I think she may be a member of the Phelps clan who make up most of the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas. These are the ones who picket the funerals of gay people and soldiers with their "God hates fags" signs. She may or may not have cleavage shots, but I'm interested to see what a bigot from Kansas lists as her favorite TV shows. If she's a different kind of Phelps, this whole thing will have been for nothing.
Facebook suggested I friend the same African American child I ignored last night. I still don't know who this kid is. We have no friends in common. Maybe these suggestions are based on mutual interests. Regardless, the kid is holding his hand in front of his face in his profile picture, which makes me feel even creepier. I won't friend him ever, and I wish Facebook would stop asking me to.
Despite my views on atheist activists, I friended Sam Harris, author of "Letter to a Christian Nation" and one of the so-called Four Horsemen of the New Atheism popularized by Christopher Hitchens, Richard Dawkins, and Daniel Dennett. I don't care at all about atheism, but I've read Harris' books. He writes well and makes some good points. He also irked some atheist fundamentalists for suggesting there may be some secular benefit to Buddhist meditation. I don't meditate, as I'd rather be playing video games, but I appreciate Harris' open-mindedness. He had no profile picture, and I think he may be new to Facebook, since I was asked to recommend some friends. I declined. I'll follow many of Facebook's suggestions, but I'm not ready to start suggesting things to others. I don't feel it's my place.
Facebook also suggested I like things that some of my friends have also liked. In Facebook parlance, "like" is a verb. But you knew that already, since you're on Facebook just like everyone else. I refused to like a group called "Yelling 'YOU'RE COOL' when you see someone do something stupid", because that's not something I could ever see myself doing. I do stupid things all the time -- especially when I'm trying to look cool -- and I wouldn't appreciate sarcastic screams hurled at me. Even though I'm an atheist, there's a reason I was voted "most Christ-like" at the Christian summer camp I attended in the fifth grade. I also declined to like a group called "I hate the word 'moist'", since I don't. There are no better alternatives. For instance, I would never describe a slice of cake as "damp".
I liked three new groups: "I can't hear you, so I'll just laugh and hope it wasn't a question", "Austin Online Video", and "Good Records". The first one doesn't describe my behavior when I can't hear someone. I usually just yell "What?" and make a face like the other person is an idiot for not speaking up. But I appreciate the impulse. I don't know what the other two are about, but they sound supportable. I'll listen to a good record from time to time.
The lack of any response from any of my new suggested contacts is starting to wear on me. Many of these people are strangers, but some of them are friends or acquaintances with whom I've simply lost touch. I hope they don't hold this against me. It's probably not a good excuse, but I'm terrible at dropping a line every so often just to say hello. If I'm going to talk to a friend, I like to devote some resources to the conversation, and I only have so many resources to go around. This is probably a character flaw. Recently, I sent a Facebook message to an old friend to invite her to an open mic I was hosting. She told me she moved to London weeks ago, and I'd have known that if I cared to stay in touch. She was right to be angry.
I feel sick.
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